There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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