Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
