I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
