I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
