My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
