I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
