My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
