real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
