just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
