Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
