So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
