it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
