Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
