happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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