Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
