so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
