if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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