Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
