I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
