take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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