The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
