just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
