You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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