At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
