this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
