My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
