at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
