You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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