ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've blown a few things in my day
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
