look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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