I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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