Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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