I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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