Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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