her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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