the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
