What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
