Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
