Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
