U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
