well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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