i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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