i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
