Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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