I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
