My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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