I saw his package. It spoke to me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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