Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
