im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
