so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
