i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
