We named our party play list daddy issues
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
