I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
