come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
