Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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