the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
